Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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