My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
