My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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