At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize