dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize