Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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