What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
