he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We are two peas in an std pod
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
