2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
