soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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