My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
