I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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