There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
