I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
