dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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