I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
