Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
