Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
