that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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