Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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