I must be too annoying 4 u.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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