Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
