Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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