he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
