Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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