is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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