I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
