He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
