So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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