Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
