I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
