i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
