she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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