So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
