I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
how does that bad decision feel?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
