Where did you get a picture of my penis
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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