On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
