You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The struggles of a small town man whore
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
