I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
