i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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