Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
