and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
