Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
