and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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