I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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