ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
