mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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