guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I looked at my own cervix.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
