We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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