Your mouth is God's brothel.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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