it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
