Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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