Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
