Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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