Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize