how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
