So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
why do cheetos always look like penises
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
