woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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