well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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