found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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