I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize