Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
